Blood sugar: 8.9 mmol or 180 mg/dl
Although I generally don’t mind discussing and contemplating most things, if something makes me really uncomfortable I can get very good at the art of distraction. This perhaps explains why I’ve been so quiet here lately. But as part of growing up is facing things head on, I’m forcing myself to sit at the computer and write down what’s on my mind.
I’m just finishing up a two-week break before I start a new job. These two weeks have been nothing – at least superficially – but relaxation, including idyllic trips to the Netherlands and France. Despite my Life of Riley, I’ve had an undercurrent of anxiety, which bubbled up now and then and I now want to address head on.
One could argue that it’s perfectly normal to be anxious before starting a new job, even if I’m also incredibly excited about the job. But I think these concerns that I’ve been wrestling with are more than the usual ones evoked by the start of a new job. If I’m really being honest with myself (honesty: another often unpleasant by product of adulthood), it’s the fear of what will happen – or not happen – with my diabetes as all of my time and energy will be consumed by acclimating to new processes, new people, new deadlines, new tea-making facilities, et cetera, at the new company. Even the lack of posts over the past month is indicative of how easy it is for me to relegate diabetes to the bottom of my priority list. How, and to what extent, will my health be sacrificed while I try to prove myself? It’s happened before at work and I really don’t want it to happen again.
I also didn’t tell my new employees about diabetes during the interview process and even took off my medical alert bracelet (which was due to shame, a shame which I’m ashamed of) so I will also have to deal with how and when to tell them about my diabetes (‘No, that is not a pager, it’s my insulin pump’). I was at my former company for more than six years, so I can barely remember how I dealt with these discussions the last time around.
Yes, I’m incredibly anxious about how this new job will impact my health, but hopefully (and I know I’m being optimistic here) the fact that I’m explicitly and publicly voicing my concerns will mean that the stretches of time that my eye is off the diabetes ball won’t be too long. And please, friends and family, if you read this, please let me know if it seems like my priorities are off.
Phew. Now that wasn’t that bad. Off to pick my ‘first day outfit’, another anxiety-producing activity.